At home with ScoMo and Jen

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Roving reporter Rocky Dabscheck takes an intimate look at domestic bliss with Federal Treasurer Scott Morrison and wife Jenny.

Scott: Jenny. Where are you dear? Can you come here, please? You need to explain some of these expenditures.

Jenny: I’m here. Right behind you, dear. Where I have been for your entire career. What’s wrong?

Scott: Some of this expenditure on your credit card. Have you got Satan in you?! $380 for one visit to the supermarket? What in God’s name did you buy?

Jenny: Mainly food, and some toiletries and cleaning liquids. There are four mouths to feed in this family, dear. People do cost money to maintain, you know.

Scott: Of course I know. There is no need to lecture me. I am this nation’s treasurer, remember? Ten days from now, what will we have to show for the $380 you just frittered away? Nothing. That’s what I call a "bad debt".

Jenny: "Bad debt?!" Feeding the family?

Scott: Of course we have to eat. But your profligacy must cease.

Jenny: Oh no, you’re not talking in tongues again, are you? Profligacy!

Scott: No, I am not talking in tongues. Profligacy is a word. Look it up. Thank the Lord I never employed you as my amanuensis.

Jenny: Amanuensis! Now you are talking in tongues.

Scott: I am not.

Jenny: Oh, so you’re having a go at me for not growing up in toffy Bronte like you. I’m just a scrubber from St George.

Scott: Not that again! Enough, please. Stop it. If I stopped the boats, you can stop going on about how I am a pampered Bronte boy and you’re a sheila from St George. Speaking about stopping things. I stopped the boats and I will make sure you stop this over-the-top spending spree of yours.

Jenny: Over-the-top!

Scott: Yes. Stick within your budget, please. I have to — and I am the nation’s treasurer.

Jenny: No you don’t. You overspend by billions — and you fiddle with accountancy smoke and mirrors.

Scott: I do not. There is "good debt" and there is "bad debt" ... What’s this? $350 for a school excursion!

Jenny: Yes. Our youngest is going to the Blue Mountains with the school for a week.

Scott: Over my dead body. I will not countenance bad debt like that. She can stay home with her mother and father for that week and she can watch a video about the Blue Mountains. There’s $350 saved already.

Jenny: She has her heart set on going with all of her friends.

Scott: And what’s this? The purchase of two cinema tickets plus a restaurant bill of $95, all paid by you last Tuesday. Isn’t that when you saw your Mother?

Jenny: Yes. She hadn’t been out for a while and she needed some cheering up, poor dear.

Scott: That’s all well and good. Needed some cheering up. What’s wrong with a packet of Twisties and watching an old Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis video? There’s another $130 saved.

Jenny: What is it with you Scott? Do you have a problem with spending money?

Scott: Of course not. I just can’t brook spending on bad debt. Your spending is all bad debt …. Food, education costs, welfare, perishables. Me, on the other hand. When I spend, it is always good debt!

Good debt and bad debt. (Source: @InsidersABC)

Jenny: Oh, is that so? What about some of the cars you’ve blown our money on? The 70 Pinto Ford; then the 82 Cimarron Cadillac; and not to mention the 97 Suzuki X-90. All duds. Not worth a penny between them.

Scott: That was just bad luck. Don’t worry. Being our nation’s treasurer has gotten my mind right re: finances.

Jenny: Has it? How?

Scott: How?! I’ll tell you. Today, I bought a $5,750, state-of-the-art set of golf clubs. Now, that is an asset. That is good debt.

Jenny: My husband, the nation’s treasurer. What a genius! You can’t play golf. You don’t like it and you can’t even watch it on TV.

Scott: Irrelevant. Ten years from now, when I open the cupboard, they’ll still be there, in pristine condition. That is good debt. Nothing you bought this week will still be in the cupboard ten years from now and, if it is, it'll be way past its use-by date. So there. You know it makes sense.

Rocky Dabscheck is a musician/songwriter and front person for Rocky and The Two Bob Millionaires. He is also author of Stoney Broke and The Hi-Spenders.

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