INDEPENDENT AUSTRALIA WEBSITE
BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME!
In a revelation certain to be subject to court action, contributing editor-at-large Tess Lawrence reveals that senior correspondent Barry Everingham is right out of this world — literally!
And you have. In your thousands! And we thank you for it.
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It's a worthwhile ripper of a prize, that surely wouldn't go astray in any office/household.
It's been donated by a generous reader who is also an IA contributor, the international but notoriously publicity shy celebrity red carpet A-lister, Antarctic Explorer, and nail technician to the stars, George Bludger (see photograph for more revelatory bio details).
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WHAT IF THE MAYAN PROPHECY COMES TO PASS?
Snap, we've already thought of that!
If the Mayan Prophecy comes to pass you might have difficulty finding a service provider anyway.
Independent Australia will not be liable for such circumstances clearly beyond our cruise control.
However, our Senior Correspondent, Barry Everingham, has already booked a passage out of the Galaxy, on the Royal Tardis that is leaving Clapham Common just before midnight on December 21st, Greenwich Mean Time.
As the global expert on all matters maniacal and monarchical, Bazza has actually been invited by Her Majesty to join with her and her Consort, the Duke of Edinburgh – and an assorted stable of people, horses, corgis and other dogs in space – as they depart this earth, in a version of the Royal Ark reminiscent of the voyage of that great ancient and hobby ship builder, Noah.
Whilst galaxy-hopping, and popping in to all those planets that belong to her Commonwealth, the Queen will return to earth in due course, in the hope that of her millions of subjects around the world, some will have survived and muck in to muck out the stables for her, when she jets back post apocalypse, with James Bond (played by Tony Abbott in red Budgie Smugglers) at the Tardis helm.
Should the designated winner not survive the Mayan apocolypse and indeed, should the entire Independent Australia editorial team not survive — then you'll just have to sort it out amongst yourselves.
TALL TALES FROM THE IA ARCHIVES
Of all of us, Bazza is most likely to survive, since he will be on another planet, as he so often is.
He is an inveterate name dropper and has in a moment of weakness departed from Royal Protocol, and confided that his companion on the Good Ship Lillibet (as the Tardis has been thus nicknamed) is none other than the incomparable former First Lady of the Philippines, Imelda Marcos.
It is no secret that Barry and Imelda had a brief affair whilst dancing rather too closely during the Pride of Erin Waltz at the unauguration self-crowning and self-basting Ceremony of Napoleon III of Icelandianana.
In a torrid Kiss and Sell book, scheduled for publication next year, Barry has confided that the affair lasted for only the duration of the famous waltz.
Barry went on talking for a further two hours. Mostly about himself. I let him go on. What's the point, I thought.
I gently put the phone down and went about my business, knitting a jumper out of cooked organic spaghetti.
After I'd finished the second sleeve I picked up the phone again, just in time to hear him say:
“Sorry Tess, I know you're in a talkative mood, but I have royal business afoot with Imelda.”
With that, he hung up. Without so much as a by your sleeve!
There may be more tales from the IA Archives soon.
To win the MacBook and enter the competition and for more info, click here. Good luck everyone!
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