Sometimes it's no easy feat getting the truth out when people hear what they want to hear or put their own spin on things, writes John Longhurst.
TIMELESS TOM took out his crumpled handkerchief, licked a corner and wiped the toothpaste from his cheek.
Mick screwed his eyes:
“Ahh... thanks for that, Mick. I’ve got this bung left eye. When I go to brush my teeth I miss my mouth and... well that explains the toothpaste on my cheek.”
Mick chuckled and leaned in:
“It sounds like you might have a crook mirror, like mine. You know, these days I have to put my glasses back on after I lather up for a shave, otherwise I end up with a Norman Gunston face with little tuffs of bristle camouflaging my movie star looks.”
Bazza joined them and took up the offered schooner, but a roar silenced the bar:
“Hey, Bazza, I hear you had a fall.”
Bazza’s face reddened as the bar quietened and stares of concern zeroed in. He gave a thumbs up and murmured dark thoughts.
Mick’s eyes widened as he crossed his arms and raised his voice:
“What’s all this about... having a fall, Bazza?”
Bazza gritted his teeth:
“I did not have a bloody fall, Mick. I tripped. I fell over.”
Mick screwed his eyes and pursed his lips:
“Well, that could still rate as a fall, Bazza. Did people rush over offering assistance and say things like ‘Ooooh, ahhhh’ or did they laugh and offer some witticism like ‘Have a nice trip?’”
Bazza took a sip and leaned in:
“No. I bounced back up like a gazelle — by myself!”
Mick guffawed into his schooner:
“Well, it could still rate as a fall. Anyhow, what happened, Bazza?”
Bazza took a generous sip and sighed:
“All pretty straightforward, Mick. Earlier in the week I was not feeling well after lunch.”
Mick raised a finger:
“So you had a turn, Bazza?”
“Bazza had a turn” was whispered repeatedly around the bar as Bazza shook his head:
“It was not a bloody turn, Mick. I was just not feeling the best and decided on a power nap.”
Mick leaned in;
“No wonder you had a turn, Bazza. You should not be having power naps at your age. You are more suited to a nanna nap.”
Bazza took another sip and rubbed his forehead:
“Yeah... whatever, Mick. Anyhow, after a quick kip, I decided on a walk but could not find my glasses but headed off anyway. I got to the new guttering outside my place, tripped and bounced straight back up. End of story.”
Mick tut-tutted:
“Okay, Bazza, so you had a turn after lunch, decided on a power nap when you should have had a nanna nap, followed up with a senior moment and misplaced your glasses, went for a walk rather than a stroll and ended up having a fall. That’s the real story.”
Above the din of the clientele, another roar from across the bar:
“Hey, Bazza, I hear you not only had a fall but took a turn as well...”
John Longhurst is a former industrial advocate and political adviser. He currently works as an English and History teacher on the South Coast of NSW.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Australia License
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